As I was getting ready for our maternity photo shoot with the amazing Melissa, I went to my jewelry to pick out something to wear. I didn’t really need to think about it because this necklace from Dear Mushka was guaranteed to be the one I wanted to wear for this occasion.
The reminder, the little seed, of my first.
The babe I am carrying under my heart right now, will be my firstborn. But his little sibling in heaven will always be my first.
As I was putting it on, I had to blink back the tears. Tears of grief for the life lost. It’s fascinating, how even in the happiest moments that grief is still sometimes overwhelming. Just hiding beneath the surface.
Miscarriage doesn’t just end once the physical signs have disappeared. You don’t just ‘get over it’. You move on, sure, but it becomes a part of you. A piece lost, waiting in heaven.
My son is not a replacement for the baby we lost but rather an addition and a celebration. His own little miracle.
One day, I will meet my baby in heaven and maybe then I will know why he/she wasn’t meant for this earth. Until then… I will hold you in my heart little one and dream of who you may have become, as I watch your brother grow.
Every milestone celebration for this pregnancy, somewhere a rainbow pops up 🌈. It wasn’t any different for this photoshoot.
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